Dealing With Negative People

Some people exude negativity. They don’t like their jobs or they don’t like their company. Their bosses are always jerks and they are always treated unfairly. The company is always going down the tube and customers are worthless.

Very often, negative people do not realize how their pessimistic attitude can affect others, and therefore they do very little to try to change how they act. Luckily, there are certain tips and pointers that you can use to better deal with the negative vibes that are being emitted in their company.

So, how does one deal with negative people?

One obvious solution is to walk away from them. But this is easier said than done. You can’t always just “get rid of” negative people. Sometimes they are your family, friends, coworkers. People have bad days. Even you.

A more practical approach to dealing with them is to start by understanding the reasons for their negativity. In brief, almost all negativity has its roots in one of three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected by others, the fear of not being loved by others, and the fear that “bad things” are going to happen. These fears feed off each other to fuel the belief that “the world is a dangerous place and people are generally mean.”

The fears that negative people harbor manifest themselves in a variety of ways, including:

• A thin skin, or the proclivity to take umbrage at others’ comments; e.g., “you look good today” is interpreted as, “you mean, I didn’t look good yesterday?”

• Judgmentalism, or the tendency to impute negative motivations to others’ innocent actions; thus, guests who don’t compliment a meal are judged as “uncouth brutes who don’t deserve future invitations.”

• Diffidence: A sense of helplessness about one’s ability to deal with life’s challenges, leading to anxiety in facing those challenges, and to shame or guilt when the challenges are not met.

• Demanding nature: Although negative people are diffident about their own abilities, they nevertheless put pressure on close-others to succeed and “make me proud” and “not let me down”.

• Pessimism, or the tendency to believe that the future is bleak; thus, for example, negative people can more readily think of ways in which an important sales call will go badly than well.

• Risk aversion, especially in social settings. This leads to reluctance to divulge any information that could be “used against me,” leading, ultimately, to boring conversations and superficial relationships.

• The need to control others’—especially close-others’—behaviors. For example, negative people have strong preferences on what and how their children should eat, what type of car their spouse should drive, etc.

Notice a common feature across all of these manifestations of negativity: the tendency to blame external factors—other people, the environment, or “luck”—rather than oneself, for one’s negative attitudes. Thus, negative people tend to think, “If only people realized my true worth, if only people were nicer and the world wasn’t fraught with danger, and if only my friends, relatives, and colleagues behaved like I want them to, then I’d be happy!”

Being around negative people is toxic and can negatively affect us. As practitioners, we can often find ourselves living in a bubble of positive, like-minded people, which makes it a little more difficult to have patience for people who are the opposite. It is one of the many challenges in trying to implement Lean, but it is also a wonderful reminder for us to go back to the lessons we learn through respect for people.

Not letting that negativity affect us is not easy, and encouraging negative people to change is even more so. Approaching both with kindness, non-judgement, and our own positivity can make things a bit easier.

How do you deal with negative people in your life? Share with us below!

Express Your WARMTH When Communicating

The importance of effective communication is demonstrated by the many articles and books written on the subject. Recently, I have been reflecting on the possibility of reducing effective communication to a simple formula or acronym to help a person remember everything that is important. The result is the title and substance of this post. With an acronym, we frequently are more able to think through important communications in advance and make sure we are addressing all the considerations for effective communication.

Express your WARMTH when communicating:

Wear a smile

An open posture

Rise and lean forward

Make eye contact

Territorial zones/touch

Head-nodding

Wear a smile – A smile is one of the strongest communication tools. You don’t have to spend the entire time grinning like an idiot, but there is nothing quite as infectious as sharing a smile. Dale Carnegie said, “It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

An open posture – Keep an open body position. Closing up your body profile—becoming smaller—looks like you lack confidence. If you keep your arms folded, you appear to be defending yourself against the other person’s communication.

Rise and lean forward – Your posture should be upright but not stiff. Don’t slouch; but don’t sit like you’re at military attention. Stay relaxed and lean forward a bit.

Make eye contact – Your eye contact is the single most effective indicator that you’re involved in the conversation. By avoiding eye contact, you appear anxious, uninterested and bored. Your eyes always talk and provide valuable cues as to your approachability.

Territorial zones/touch – Find the appropriate balance of distance; too close invades personal space, while too far may seem like you’re not interested. Is the communication formal enough for an office or would you be better off meeting in a coffee shop?

Head-nodding – There is plenty of research into the part nodding plays in communication. Nodding tells the speaker that you are listening and that they should continue to speak. If you increase the speed of your nodding, it signals you are ready to speak.

A Parting Thought

It is tempting to think of effective communication as the job of leaders, managers, and supervisors. While it is their job, it is not theirs alone. Effective communication is everyone's job. It builds trust, teamwork, and high-performing organizations. If culture drives an organization, effective communication is the fuel.

Lean Quote: Don’t Let Your Strengths Become Weaknesses

On Fridays I will post a Lean related Quote. Throughout our lifetimes many people touch our lives and leave us with words of wisdom. These can both be a source of new learning and also a point to pause and reflect upon lessons we have learned. Within Lean active learning is an important aspect on this journey because without learning we can not improve.

"As you’re the only one you can really change, the only one who can really use all your good advice is yourself." — John-Roger and Peter McWilliams

The abilities, work habits, or loyalties that served you well in times past may outlive their usefulness. The winds of change reshape circumstances and present different problems. New personalities come into the picture. Even if your job title and duties remain the same, the situation calls for something new out of you.

Be sure to shift your job’s priorities to match the changes in organizational priorities. Align yourself with any changes in values and culture. Adjust your approach to fit the personality and management style of new leaders. Get busy developing new competencies if your skills become outdated. Tom Peters wrote, “Only those who constantly retool themselves stand a chance of staying employed in the years ahead.”

Be alert. Catch on. Refocus rapidly. Examine your job and identify the critical few, make-or-break factors important for job success. Chances are something there has changed.

Continuing to focus on “doing what you do best” might be one of the worst things you could do.

 

8 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills

Given all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it! In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that we remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is dismal!

Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.

The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, try to understand the complete message being sent.

How do you develop active listening skills?

Rule #1: Stop talking. If you really want to be an effective listener, stop what you are doing. Eliminate distractions. Give full attention. Show the person that you really want to listen.

Rule #2: Put the person at ease. Get relaxed yourself. Use door-openers like, “What’s up? Anything I can help you with?" Don’t rush, give them time…unhurried. Be alert to posture and nonverbal cues.

Rule #3: Don’t interrupt, especially if the person is upset. Allow for ventilation to occur. Remember, it’s only words. Be patient.

Rule #4: Empathize. Make a statement of regret. Be genuine. Ask them for their help. “I’d like to understand your problem; will you help me?”

Rule #5: Paraphase. Try to summarize what you’ve heard and restate it to the person to his/her satisfaction.  This often helps defuse tension. It also aids in showing employees that you’re trying to understand their situation.

Rule #6: Ask open-ended questions. Use questions for clarification and understanding, “What do you suggest we do?”

Rule#7: Use silence. Don’t be afraid of tension. If any tension exists, time perception get terribly distorted.

Rule #8: Allow reflection. In many case the best role we can play is that of a sounding board for our employees. This even allows for a little pressure release.

Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving. By becoming a better listener, you will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. What's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary for workplace success!

Build A Winning Team

If you create a high-performance team, you can exert tremendous leverage to create value. If not, you’ll face severe difficulties because no leader can hope to achieve ambitious goals on his or her own. Poor personnel choices will usually come back to haunt you.

Finding the right people is essential, but it’s not enough. Begin by evaluating current team members to decide who will stay and who will have to go. Then create a plan for obtaining new people and moving the people you keep into the right positions without doing too much damage to short-term performance. But even this is not enough. You still must establish goals, incentives and performance measures that will propel your team in the desired directions.

Avoiding Common Traps

When it comes to building a winning team, many new leaders stumble. The result may be a delay in reaching the break-even point, or it may be outright derailment. These are some of the traps new leaders fall into:

● Keeping the existing team too long. Some leaders clean house too quickly, but it’s more common to keep people on board too long. Whether because of pride or because they shy away from tough personnel calls, many leaders end up with less-than-outstanding teams. This means they will have to either shoulder more of the load themselves or fall short of their goals.

● Not repairing the airplane. Unless you’re in a start-up, you don’t get to build a team from scratch: You inherit a team and have to mold it into what you need to achieve your A-team priorities. Molding a team is like repairing an airplane in midflight. You will not reach your destination if you ignore the necessary repairs.

● Not working organizational alignment and team restructuring issues in parallel. You can’t build your team before reaching clarity about changes in strategy, structure, systems and skills. Building your team prematurely could put the right people in the wrong jobs.

● Not holding onto the good people. Uncertainty about who will and will not be on the team can lead your best people to look for opportunities elsewhere.

● Starting team-building before the core team is in place. It’s tempting to launch team-building activities right away. New leaders with a consensus-building style often are eager to begin collaborating with their direct reports, but some group members may be leaving.

● Making implementation-dependent decisions too early. When implementing your plans requires buy-in from your team, you should postpone making decisions until the core members are in place. It can be very difficult to implement decisions that commit new people to courses of action they had no part in defining.

● Trying to do it all yourself. Keep in mind that the process of restructuring a team is fraught with emotional, legal and company policy complications. Find out who can best advise you and help you chart a strategy. The support of a good HR person is indispensable to any effort to restructure a team.

Assessing Your Existing Team

You’re likely to inherit some good performers, some average ones and some who simply aren’t up to the job. You’ll also inherit a group with its own internal dynamics and politics — some members may even have hoped for your job. During your first 30 to 60 days, you must sort out who’s who, what roles each individual plays, and how the group has worked together in the past.

Inevitably, you’ll form impressions of team members as you meet them. Don’t suppress these early impressions, but step back from them and take the time to make a more rigorous evaluation.

Without a great team, you’ll face severe difficulties because no leader can achieve ambitious goals on his or her own.

Lean Quote: Overcoming Resistance to Change

On Fridays I will post a Lean related Quote. Throughout our lifetimes many people touch our lives and leave us with words of wisdom. These can both be a source of new learning and also a point to pause and reflect upon lessons we have learned. Within Lean active learning is an important aspect on this journey because without learning we can not improve.

"“In a fight between you and the world, bet on the world." — Franz Kafka

Some people cling desperately to the past. They hang on to what’s familiar, snuggling ever deeper into their comfortable routines to avoid the chilling thought that they might have to change. Someone said, “the organization is so screwed up that somebody doesn’t like it as it is.: Change always means giving up something, and the greater the personal sacrifice the more you feel like dragging your feet.

Another reason why people defend the old way of doing things is to maintain personal stability or feel more in control. They battle against change out of fear of the future, not because of love for the past. If uncertainty and ambiguity eat on your nerves, you can’t get very pumped up about “progress.” The more you dislike unpredictability, the more you’re likely to protect the status quo.

A third group of people resists change as a way of getting even. They play “punish the organization” in retaliation for changes they don’t like. We’re talking here about plain old revenge. And the fascinating thing is to watch how people are willing to damage themselves just to get back at the organization.

Finally, some change resisters are well-intentioned people who think they see their outfit about to make a mistake, and have the courage to try and stop it. They fight change because they (1) have the organization’s best interests at heart and (2) have enough nerve to take a stand. But frankly, these people with good intentions often happen to be wrong. In trying to save the organization they shoot it in the foot.

When an organization initiates changes – does it on purpose – you can bet there are compelling reasons. Almost always you can find a strong financial argument for what’s going on. Study the situation –

            Are outside events forcing the changes?

            Must the organization swallow some bitter medicine to stay alive?

            Will a tough exercise like this develop needed organizational muscle?

When the winds of change hit your organization, here’s the bottom line: Resisting does more harm than good. To begin with, you could get nailed for being oppositional – someone may accuse you of causing trouble, getting in the way of progress. That easily damages your career.

Second, resisting change takes effort, and you can find more productive ways to spend your energy.

Besides, you’re probably going to lose the battle anyway. Even if you do win a skirmish now and then, you’re going to lose the war.

Instead of trying to hang on to the past, grab hold of the future.

 

Lean Tips Edition #109 (#1636 - 1650)

For my Facebook fans you already know about this great feature. But for those of you that are not connected to A Lean Journey on Facebook or Twitter I post daily a feature I call Lean Tips.  It is meant to be advice, things I learned from experience, and some knowledge tidbits about Lean to help you along your journey.  Another great reason to like A Lean Journey on Facebook.

Click this link for A Lean Journey's Facebook Page Notes Feed.

Here is the next addition of tips from the Facebook page:

Lean Tip #1636 - Share & Inspire a Compelling Mission

Great leaders regularly bring people closer to their purpose and the purpose of their work. If the vision for the organization is not inspiring—or is only to make a profit—it is pretty challenging to inspire others and get them to rally around it.

Employee engagement research states that for people to feel a connection with their work, they need to be able to envision themselves achieving purpose at work. An astute leader nurtures alignment among their workforce by linking the key performance indicators of each role in the organization to the overall key performance indicators and objectives of the business.  When people are able to “connect the dots” from what they do each day to how it impacts the customer—and maybe even the world at large—they are much more engaged and concerned for what they do and how well they deliver it.

Lean Tip #1637 - Institutionalize & Perpetuate Guiding Principles and Values

Building guiding principles and core values into the culture is a very powerful way to institutionalize and perpetuate the right behaviors throughout the organization. Leaders who are serious about their core values and guiding principles discipline themselves and their organization to only hire people who are aligned and have the ability to demonstrate those values and principles through the right on-the-job behavior. Behavioral and values-based interviewing is a key component of a values-driven organization’s hiring process. In these same types of companies, leadership development and succession planning programs are created and built on the foundation of the core values and guiding principles.

Lean Tip #1638 - Clearly Articulate Expectations and Intended Outcomes

Organizational objectives and desired outcomes are best achieved when clearly articulated and repeated often. Business leaders often voice frustration because their message in its true intent is not reaching all the ranks. The reality is, most people need to hear things seven times before committing it to memory. Therefore role requirements, goals, and objectives also need to be repeated frequently enough to ensure everyone involved is present to and aware of the game plan and what it looks like to win.  

Some leaders of larger organizations cascade their message to the workforce through their trusted and capable management team. Others design a communication strategy and deliver their message through a series of channels; like individualized emails, the company intranet, daily from the desk of “CEO” thoughts, weekly CEO talks, or monthly town hall meetings and newsletters. 

Lean Tip #1639 - Foster Excitement & Celebrate Forward Momentum

Alignment happens intrinsically when people are gathered together in service of a mission bigger than themselves. They are called forth by the purpose and the mission and then measure their success by milestones and accomplishments along the way. A leader that celebrates forward movement, learning from failures, taking risks, and working collaboratively to remove barriers and advance is a leader who teaches his troops to keep their eyes on the prize.

Lean Tip #1640 - Build Trust Through Open Communication & Clarity

One of the most important components necessary to nurture and grow workforce alignment is for the leader and management to have a strong relationship with their word. Trusting senior leaders and management is a critical driver of employee engagement.  Integrity and open communication is one of the most crucial behaviors of highly effective leaders. People do not trust a leader of an organization who does not follow through on promises or has a reputation as someone who re-negotiates agreements after the fact.  Creating boundaries and agreements as well as honoring those agreements and boundaries is where the rubber meets the road with honoring one’s word. 

Trust is not about being perfect and certainly not about keeping things static and steady. It is about clearly communicating when and why things need to change, and giving people advance notice of those changes and how they can best adapt.

Lean Tip #1641 - Establish an Impeccable Standard of Excellence.

The best way to establish a standard is by modeling the expected behavior yourself. Set high expectations at the outset and raise the bar on any crucial factors. Showcase excellence. When your actions have the potential to affect everyone around you and the bottom line, don't dabble in mediocrity. Reflecting excellence is critical to exercising effective leadership. This is ground zero for establishing influence.

Lean Tip #1642 - Value People and Nurture Relationships. 

Top-notch people skills are vital to sound leadership. Develop premium listening, communication and decision-making skill sets. Demonstrate integrity by being open, honest and fair.

Your transparency will reap clear rewards. If you treat people well, most will be encouraged to return the favor. By elevating the importance of people and relationships, you enhance your ability to relate to others in an authentic and meaningful way.

Lean Tip #1643 - Promote Strategic Cooperation.

People often produce higher quality, more efficient work products when collaborating. Commit to this by actively embracing opportunities for healthy cooperation. Make teamwork an attractive aspect of workplace culture. Less burnout, increased trust among peers and enhanced interpersonal relationships will result.

Lean Tip #1644 - Freely Develop and Support Others.

Professional development is an extraordinary mechanism for facilitating growth. Demonstrate your commitment to expanding your reach and your team's by prioritizing opportunities for enrichment. Allot time and resources to make the process stress free. Challenge yourself and your team to overcome shortcomings at regular intervals throughout the year. Then acknowledge and reward proactive participation to build enthusiasm and encourage continued progress.

Lean Tip #1645 - Listen to Your Team.

As leaders, sometimes we are so consumed with providing directive, giving orders, and, well, talking that we forget to stop and listen. If the recruitment and training engine is functioning well, you should have a whole team of experts to turn to for advice. One sign of good leadership is knowing that you don’t know everything. Listen and get feedback from your team regularly.

Lean Tip #1646 - Praise Improvement, Even Minor Improvements.

Psychologists discovered long ago that when you positively reinforce a desired behavior, people are far more likely to repeat that behavior. Most people want to do the right thing, which means you will find far more success in leading a team if you focus on using positive reinforcement rather than negative actions like threats and fear tactics.

Lean Tip #1647 - Give Honest and Sincere Praise and Appreciation.

All people deeply desire significance. One of the easiest ways you can help fulfill desire that is by offering honest and sincere praise and appreciation whenever possible. This is probably one of the greatest motivational methods you can ever employ.

Lean Tip #1648 - Get Your Hands Dirty.

Do the work and know your trade. You don’t have to be the most advanced technician on the team, but you must have an in-depth understanding of your industry and your business. Leaders have many responsibilities, but it is important to work alongside your team. This is a great way to build trust and continue to develop your own knowledge and skills.

Lean Tip #1649 - Let the Team Do Their Thing.

Stop micromanaging. Communicate the mission, vision, values, and goals. Then step back and let the team innovate. Setting this example for the team will encourage your other managers to do the same.  Always show support for all team members. If someone needs extra guidance, provide it behind closed doors.

Lean Tip #1650 – Inspire and Guide People Toward the Goal

If you wish to be a great leader, make it your focus to serve those whom you would lead. There are a lot of people that want the power, prestige and pay that comes along with leadership positions, but few want to do what it takes to actually be a good and effective leader. Great leadership isn’t about bossing people around; it’s about inspiring and guiding people towards a common goal for everyone’s benefit. Build your team up, give them credit for their work, praise their efforts and reward them when they succeed. There is a saying that states “Be the change that you want to see”, we can adapt that to this discussion by saying “Be the leader that you would want to lead you”.